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User blog:Mobokill/The Awards ...
... ... :*applause sign lights up* :*crickets chirp* "Okay, that was a wonderful performance from our very own, Madam ... (turns to stage manager) What's she called again?? (towards the crowd) Yeah, the MISTRESS OF PAIN!!!", Rathma said in a baritone that certainly did not befit his lean and pale structure (although he looked quite the gentleman in his li'l suit with the li'l skulls stitched on and the striking Bone Wand) "And now ... Let's have the next award, shall we?? The Award for Best Cinematic Character, human!!!" *huge applause* Nephalem in the first row, "Does that mean we're included??" "NO YOU MORONS!!! DIDN'T YA HEAR? HUMANS ... NOT A BUNCH OF BLOODY ANGEL-KILLING SUPERFREAKS!!!", Inarius snorts out from the gallery in his oh-so heavenly and divine voice that has even Demonesses swooning over him. A lull creeps over the Arreat Crater. "Huh? Did I say something wrong? *gulp*", Inarius - now looking petrified at the hordes of Nephalem tearing off their polished suits and dresses to reveal the shiny armor and powerful bodies that they contained. "Ahem ... Settle down people ... We have awards to give ... And everyone's gonna get one, okay, everyone except him.", Rathma *points to Inarius* The crowd erupts. Everyone in the Hell gallery smirks, especially Lilith. "OK Trag ... Or Trang ... Or ... Whatever you're name is ... Roll the nominees ..."The Great Dragon looks unimpressed ... He waves his tail and the stars move, forming a beautiful image in the night sky, although the stars are white, colors fill in the gaps. "Nominee number 1 ... Marius *applause* for his astounding performance in all the cutscenes of Diablo II." "Nominee number 2 ... The transexual hero of Diablo I *applause ... with hearable gasps* For his or her splendid performance in the final cutscene, most notably the ability to enact three different characters at the same time and for the cameo appearance of changing into a Demon in Diablo II. *huge applause, with fireworks from the Hell gallery*" "Nominee number 3 ... Leah *light applause* For being the only one we could find from Diablo III *audible moans and groans*" "OK, now I'd like to call our most esteemed guests to present this award ... From the Heaven gallery, the Archangel Tyrael!!! *humongous applause that almost shatters the windows of nearby Harrogath*" The grand Archangel takes a giant leap from the gallery and lands almost like a space shuttle take-off (in reverse) Still not moving any part of his body except his wings and always in his chaste mood, the Archangel says, "Hello ..." The entire crowd goes Hello with him. "And with the Archangel, we have our very own ... The lovable, spiky, always horny and everyone's favorite Lord of Terror, Diablo!!! *Harrogath's windows shatter*" The Demon Lord, always made for the camera, gets up ... And starts a walk that strangely reminds one of the final scenes of the Act IV Cutscene. Even turning back to look at the crowds before he makes his entry on the stage *crowd roars* Upon his entry to the stage, Diablo gets down on all fours and starts doggy-running towards Rathma (a move that reminds Sparker the Barbarian of his Charge attack) stopping short of him and sending out a huge dollop of his Red Lightning Hose towards the air *crowd roars even louder* Tyrael remarks, "Always the showman, are ya?" The big D, smirking at the Archangel's comment, raises his huge hand, causing it to glow an icy blue, and shouts, "YO!!!" And then he breaks into an impromptu rap song that seems legible to only Demons, but everyone's enthralled, almost ... HYPNOTIZED. When the crowd, and Rathma regain their posture, the awards continue ... "Greetings noble Angels, foul Demons, and honorable humans and Nephalem, I hold in my hand, the envelope that contains the fate of he or she who has won this coveted award. We are gathered here ... *starts talking about the history of Sanctuary*", Tyrael, everyone suddenly gets sleepy, except the Paladins of course. "What he means to say is ... I'll not kill the person whose name is in this piece of shitty paper ...", Diablo interrupts, much to the disgust of the Archangel. Tyrael, having forgotten his lines after being brutally interrupted by the Lord of Terror starts chastising the offender, "I go through all the trouble of preparing a speech that will bring more champions to our cause and who the bloody hell do you think you are, huh?? *in a girly voice, WITH ACTIONS* Oooooh, I'm the big, fat Lord of Terror who bloody rules the stinkin pits of Hell and who bloody never lets anyone talk ..." Mephisto and Baal could not agree more to this ... Having suffered Diablo's I'm-the-boss attitude for too long. Even when they tried to set things right by reviving him after he got his ass kicked by a bunch of stupid humans, Diablo never repaid the favor, sure he freed Baal, but that was just to corrupt the Worldstone and to set things straight, Diablo didn't free Baal, Marius did. "Oh man, that was unexpected ... ", said a visibly shaken Diablo, now under obvious pressure from the crowd, "But you should've asked ... I'd have let ya." Stunned, Tyrael says, "Give me the stone ... And all is forgiven. Give it to me Marius ... Er, I mean Diablo." "Oh no you don't. I'm not falling for that again ...", Diablo retorts. "Ahem, can we move on now?? The network's closing in about an hour and I gotta have my boner polished.", says Rathma, pointing towards his wand. For the first time in Sanctuary's history, Diablo and Tyrael join hands in the face of a common foe ... The Cable Company. They work together to announce the winner. "And the winner of the Best Cinematic Character (human) category iiiss ... " ::::::"LEAH!!!" *huge audible gasp* Marius (what's left of him) cries incontrollably, and the D1 hero is nowhere to be found. All that can be heard are a string of continued gasps ... But no one's gasping. As everyone looks towards the source of these sounds, they find that it's Leah herself who's making those highly erotic noises - forever stuck in the last thing she was seen doing. She walks up to the stage, accepts her award (still making those horrid noises), Rathma talks for her while Tyrael and Diablo stop her from spreading her message across. "Yes, it is Leah, the expression on her face says it all. The terror she's facing, the dark future that she has seen her innate love for older men *Deckard Cain smirks* She got the jury's attention for her attention to detail and the fact that she's made with visual effects that make the others look like cartoons." *crowd applauses* "Well, now that that's done, let's welcome the next performance for the evening. The luscious, succulent piece of demonic flesh this side of the Hellforge, the Maiden of Anguish ... ANDARIEL!!!" ... Every male in the crater has his eyes on the Succubus' mid area. Even the ambivalent Ithereal couldn't resist taking a peek. *back stage* Rathma, "Stupid morons ... All of em. Why am I doing this again???" *booming voice* "CAUSE I SAID SO ... " *maniacal laughter* :::::::::Fin